I saw an angel in the moonlight on September 9^th. I was out walking my dog, contemplating the state of the world. The shooting at the Church of the Annunciation, that poor young woman, Iryna Zarutska, on the subway, among other tragedies. I was having a conversation with God half out loud and half in my head because I’d been indulging in some angry thoughts and asking God for guidance. Can I be a good Christian and still wish bad things on people who hurt innocent people? And I looked up at the bright, full moon, and to the left of that gorgeous sphere was a cloud that resembled someone in robes. I felt God wash over me and knew that I couldn’t hate anymore. I can be forgiven for thinking these things.  That we are not lost. Bad things happen. I was even marveling at the fact that Iryna’s parents wanted her buried here in America, even though this was the country she fled to for safety, rather than in Ukraine.  

I felt more at peace, and I got down to finalizing my first blog post about going public with my Catholic faith.

This was the night before everything changed.

The next morning, I couldn’t get the angel out of my mind. I felt it was a sign, and I got all my social media created for my blog, for the transition from hiding in two online personalities to just one singular Christ-centered identity.

I had just emailed my blog to a few people and was feeling pretty good when I saw the first post –

Charlie Kirk was shot at an event in Utah.

I thought, nah. That must be some kind of sick rumor. Why would someone shoot him?

Then I confirmed it, and unfortunately, I watched the video, and I knew immediately it was bad. But I held out hope, like so many others did, even though. I already knew. I prayed anyway, for recovery.

The announcement came, and it still punched hard. Devastating. Unreal. I didn’t know him personally, but I admired him, his conviction, his bravery.

To have that level of strength in your convictions is something to behold. A marvel. In this age, with its rampant weakness, fear, and hate. Few people are that strong and brave.

Very few.

Over the past month, God put a mission on my heart to live openly in my faith. In the last two weeks, I’ve been creating something I’m excited about. Yet even as I posted that first blog yesterday morning (Sept 10), I was still nervous, scared of what people might think about it, about me, about my Catholic faith in general.

But that shot – ignited something.

The tears came and went all evening. Once they stopped, I settled down to pray for Charlie, for his family, for my family, for the world. I felt quiet. I woke up early, because let’s face it, who was able to sleep? In a daze, I walked my dog in the fog, which matched my mood. The sadness drifted off and was replaced by a hollow feeling. It’s 9/11. It’s already a heavy day, and then this. This just changed something in me, in how I see the world. I tried to be balanced, tried to see the world from all the different viewpoints. But this is not a viewpoint that can be seen through.

This is pure evil.

This was the act of a coward.

This was applauded by cowards.

We as a country are changed; we have to change.

It awakened, activated, and anchored my faith. And I have greater clarity.

I am a sinner

I am not perfect

But I will no longer back down and hide – I am a Christian. I am proud of my faith.

Charlie has passed

Passed on a calling – a message – a mission

And we will pick up where he left off.

I will pick up where he left off.

The devil’s foothold in this world is too big, and it’s time we take it back.